Sunday, June 17, 2012

Old Post - Dec 3, 2006

This post is from my old journal (which I still use on occasion)... It amused me. I was pregnant with Ian when I wrote this... keep in mind, Tori and Ian were BOTH born in 2006. So I'd went through this for almost literally two years... Enjoy the 3rd trimester Pregnancy Rant:


Alright, I’m just so totally sick of the phrase “I know how you feel”. My husband is constantly saying this to me… CONSTANTLY. I find it not only rude and insulting, but dammit it isn’t true!

Oh wow, your finger is swollen because you were an idiot and decided not to untie and retie your shoes when you put them on. And he wonders why the backs of them wear out so quickly. I don’t think that really compares with my entire BODY being nothing more than some type of water hour glass where the swelling is either in my legs and feet or in my face and hands.

You Itch. Yes, I itch, but the difference is, actually using lotion DOESN”T HELP ME. It would you, but not me. I feel like I have the hives all the time.

Your Back hurts. Yes, my back hurts. Ya know why? Because I can’t hardly move. Because I’m wearing a 30 pound weight on my front. Because I have no abdominal muscles to help support this extra weight. Oh, and because it’s throwing my spine out of whack, I have a bunch of pinched nerves. Heck, If I sit down wrong my entire spine and whatever is around it pulses painfully with each heartbeat.

What hurts that he doesn’t have? He’s not getting the literal crap kicked out of him daily. He isn’t loosing lung capacity, which on top of a viral URI, makes it VERY difficult for me to breathe. MY heart races half the time. I get chest pain galore thanks to kiddo compressing everything. My hips hurt to move them, My knees hurt, my ankles hurt. I can’t sit without putting my feet up for more than 2 hours. I can’t even stand for 40 minutes. Otherwise my feet swell up like jet puff marshmallows. I put my feet up and it feels like I’m contracting hard both in my back and belly. But they are kind of regular, but not 4 minutes apart. MY boobs hurt horridly. I hate waking up and seeing wet spots on the bed because of laying on my chest kind of.

I’m just so sick of that damned phrase, “I know how you feel”. You can never know how I feel. There is no way you will ever understand this. Do NOT patronize me with this stupid phrase. I’ve tolerated it for almost 24 months. I’m so sick of it, I can’t take that damned phrase one more time. Not from him or any other male in existence. I’ve already made this a known fact today. Why?

I was sighing and growling that my wedding ring no longer fits… I’m going to have to soap it to get it off today. I didn’t even complain about it, I simply turned the thing because it hurt (yeah, it feels like it’s close to cutting off circulation, it hurts) and went “Geez…” then I heard that phrase. GAH!

I think I’m done ranting. I think. I just… I can’t take that phrase. Almost 2 years of it is enough.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Twenty-Eight Years Later...

We all go through stages in our lives. And it's hard to believe that I've almost been around three decades. Honestly, two years shy of 30, and a lot more learning to go.

It's amazing to think that I began as a small baby, albeit opinionated but still just a baby. From there, I have managed to accomplish the task of speaking. Something I'm sure some people wish I would unlearn.

And, I can proudly say that after 28 years, I can ALMOST walk without tripping over that stone that disappeared.

Best thing I've learned? I've learned how to love outside of myself, and be happy in the happiness of the ones who mean the most to me. I split my heart three ways, and they all walk and talk outside of me. They talk back, and call me names. But I never feel as whole unless I'm in a big family group hug. It's complete, all the pieces of my heart are back again.... then they squirm and wiggle and giggle and run away.

Second best thing... I can cook and feed others, and myself. I've fed myself a little too well, that goes without saying, but I love to cook. I love to share something that I know will nourish someone, and if it happens to have a little soul food included, even better.

I'm proud of my age, and will continue to be proud of my aging self. I feel that to not be proud that I have managed to continue to learn and survive every year would be an insult to my various life teachers (children included), and to those who have not be so fortunate to make another year.