Another year in the books...

So today is my 33rd Birthday!

.... Don't everyone jump at once now. It's cool... No big.

I guess, I'm going to use this post to break my life down as it were. Enjoy, or don't. This blog, I write to track for me.

Things I have learned about myself this year:

• I am much stronger than I thought
• That asking for help and accepting is not weakness
• That finding every moment I can to find happiness alone is time well spent
• I can fix things that I found daunting (Frozen Water Tank and Pipes)
• I truly enjoy woodworking
• Car seat Dancing while everyone is watching, is not wrong
• My individuality is wonderful and something to celebrate
• Make up is my obsession, yet I am comfortable being without
• Still not sure I can do Bleach blonde hair. 
• Music... speaks to my soul

Things I have learned about love:

• Any potential lover can look at me and tell me sweet things, but not many will take the time to show me sweet things
• My size, while it may an attract to a man - does not dictate who I am. 
• That most men that come at you 'Damn I love me a BBW' ... 90% of the time, they aren't seeking a serious relationship - mostly a fulfillment of some fantasy
• The best gifts - are homemade
• That it is Ok to go with how you feel in the moment without a future plan
• That it is more than ok to say 'No.' 
• That I can take care of me and trust that they are a grown adult who can handle themselves
• That the best experiences and connections START with the mental connection, and blossom in a Physical Connection
• That it is ok to be different and like different things, You never know WHAT you will discover with them

Things I have learned in Parenting:

• They are individuals
• They are wonderful, frustrating, Passionate, and curious
• It is my job to guide them while I have them
• They can cause more tears and fears and self doubt than a lover can
• They can also make you so proud and want to scream how AWESOME my children are
• That I have two compassionate children
• That it's also ok to seek help and try a different way to get your point across
• That they are just as fragile as I am in this whole situation, yet resilient. 
• Children are like the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Yes, they are going to break at some point, OUR jobs as parents, is to fill in the cracks and help put them together in the right way. If we use wonderful a powerful fillings of Gold (parables, lessons, compassion, love) these children will rise above the pain and brokenness, and become and inspiring work of art.

Things I have learned as a Friend:

• God found a way to give me the sisters I wasn't born with. 
• Fighting with them and coming back together means that ... Well no one else would take us! Not... means that no matter how much I feel hurt, I miss them more than my pride. 
• Best Friends mean you can be brutally honest about your feelings that you just can't with others
• Also - brutally honest about how your body is betraying you!
• While every friend has certain aspects that you are drawn too, there is no reason to look at my two besties and pick the one I love the most. Because they are the most unique and loving ladies I have ever known... and I couldn't see myself without them. 
• That you will not always agree with the decisions they make, but you can prepare if things go wrong. ... Never leave your Vodka at your friends house unmanned though!
• That new friends are awesome, and only add to your life
• That there is nothing better than a girl's night ... that doesn't have to leave the house but enjoy complete goofing off.
• That my life would be so incomplete with out them... I can do without lovers. My children will eventually leave my side to go make the world a better place... But I could never be without the support my friends, Best friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and casual ones provide. 

Super Moon = a realization for Mommy Time...

So this was a Super Moon kind of day. I have been tired and cranky, and just working through trying to get the day done. I posted on my personal Facebook about how I just broke down and yelled at my kids "Please pick your crap up and quit playing 'Squirrel!'".

Here's my frustration. I love my children. I would so be super mom, or a female Al Capone if you mes with my kids. I am a momma bear. my son is the love of my life. But at the same time, I have spent all day focusing on an Excel spreadsheet hurrying to complete it accurately but speedily. I came home, and found out that I ruined the pork chops in the crock pot, and they just weren't right and he was not eating them. ... crying was gonna happen soon.

Then I go out to see the Super Moon, and it was clouding and beginning to rain.

Now then, Boy-o talks. He talks all the time. He narrates everything he does, what he is thinking about doing, and wants constant affirmations that I like what he is doing. Which I give him whole-heartedly. I answer all the random questions "How long to flies live? What's it like underwater? What would happen if I mixed soap and the scrubby stuff?" I answer things about his Dad and I. I answer things positively about his father, so that it's a good bond that I have not singed.

But, after working all that time, I would love to be able to come home after a hard day, sit on the couch, and zone out. But that is not the life of a single mom. It's me and these two 24/7. All the homework, the scrapes, the 'do the chores', the hugs, the kisses, the goofiness, the tears, the fears.

But I love them, and I realize that someday I will miss all of this. It isn't easy, I knew it wasn't gonna be easy. But it's worth every moment.

... Because between verbally asking him multiplication tables and even some quiz facts for sis that she shares on our drive in the morning when we start out together.... I get this wonderful contest where the kids try to up me on who loves who more. Often - I drag out a 90's saying of 'All that and a bag of chips' which produces giggles. We sing and for 5 minutes, we try to start our days out the best we can. As a loving family, who while odd... is working our best to be the best we can be.

Never said we were perfect - Never said that was a goal. But happy and productive.... those are goals I shoot for with my kiddos.

A cloudy Super Moon taken this evening. 

Starting my Christmas...

We generally try to mourn Thanksgiving for a bit. You know, indulge in it's leftovers, bask in the togetherness... mourn for the distended waistlines.

So this weekend, we have officially began decorating for the Christmas Season! I've also began baking, and have... mostly successfully attempted to make Rainbow Cookies. I also had much more success with Almond Paste.

Several Notes: On the Almond Paste, depending on the grade of your food processor. I've found it is EASIER to get those almonds to almost power prior to adding your hot sugar syrup. If you are like me, and can't afford high powered processors. This will help save your motor, and allow you to keep that hard paste feeling, without having to water it down too much. I still had to add simple syrup.

On another note - Making Rainbow cookies? DO IT! But do it better than I did! Thin Thin layers! less is more on the Jam. You really need just a thin layer, because you will be compressing this cookie, and it will help those layers set to each other. You are wanting to glue, not lubricate. (Yeah - by the way... I totally did THAT the other way around! I lubricated my thick layers of cookie with jam.)

The other note, is on your chocolate layer, use the cup of Dark Chocolate, and give it a threesome in a pan with some butter and heavy cream. Not enough to make a Ganache, but enough to make it spreadable and not to seize on you!

That being said... enjoy the pictures of my labor.

To the Thief who broke into my home...

Dear Sir. Yes, we know you're a guy. I am writing you this little note to express not only my displeasure with your actions against my family, my time, and my small joys, but I'm also wish to express my deepest sympathies for the recent death of your self respect and your ability to be self reliant. I know you must be grieving this loss, or in the simple shock and denial that it is in fact expired, and a part of your history.

Yes Sir, I understand that times are tough, and that jobs are few. But that doesn't mean that jobs aren't available, nor that jobs cannot be taken to make ends meet that are merely temporary. You sir, have taken to stealing other people's possessions, and probably some of the precious memories they had. For instance, you stole my iPod to which I hadn't yet downloaded the videos and pictures of a dear friend visiting that we hadn't seen since our marriage ceremony. How sad that in order to feel better about yourself, you had to take that from me.

You are void of any true self respect, because how else could you justify taking my things, my cherished memories and just treating them like the gravel beneath your feet. That Gravel is the start and main component of the concrete in my life. I resent that you took that from me. But I pity you since you apparently lack that component in yours and felt the need to steal mine.

I wish to warn you of this lifestyle you choose, in the end you will find yourself hollow and without substance. You will look at people you wish to befriend some day and realize that you have not only wronged them, but made them insecure and fearful, essentially viewing the lifestyle you've chosen as monstrous. This in turn will start to make you feel extremely self conscious to the point your friendships will be thin as water, and just as quick to disappear.. let's not even talk about how this affects a healthy relationship between lovers.

I hope you can and will turn around from this path. I pray that the acid of your choices can still be neutralized so you can one day feel better about yourself. I hope you find peace, and that someone, somewhere shows you kindness and compassion. Because God knows... you aren't showing it to yourself.

So Tori was a Tap Dancer...

She's so cute whenever she thinks that she's all that, isn't she? *grins*

I was actually VERY proud of my daughter and her whole class during their Tap Dance at the Cosmopolitan Club Variety Show & Pageant. It was a disaster until they danced.

Apparently, the song that the Teacher had was on a Cassette Tape. It's a really cute song, and I finally found it and may take it upon myself to buy it on the CD and give it to the teacher to avoid this NEXT year. Since Tori will also be in this class next year.

But the short story: They did not have the tape cued. For either the practice or the show. So during the show, on the stage, these poor kids had to stand there, for 4 minutes (I have the video and it is timed as such) while the technician had to cue the tape. So during random bits, the whole audience is hearing Whitney Houston.

My daughter as you can see, had very little make-up on. I chose to be that way because it's natural, and the only real make-up that she required was to even her skin tone and cover her 'raccoon eyes'. For those who do not know about the whole Stage thing. Those lights, bring out EVERY flaw and amplify it. So it was necessary for that much just enough to merely make her more photogenic and not look like something that stepped out of a Tim Burton movie all sallow looking and such.

But I am very proud of my daughter. She danced beautifully. Especially for as short of a time that she's been dancing.

Cleaning my Glass Stove Top

Have I ever mentioned how I HATE cleaning my stove top? Seriously, it's like, Darlin' clean up before it's a huge mess! Sometimes I do it too... We are busy people. We all are! So let me introduce you to ... My method of cleaning the Glass stove top...

Our Starting Line Up: Vinegar, Baking Soda, Borax, and A Stove Top Glass Polish.

Let's take a look at our inital field. While I would love to say that this was left this way purely for this blog. I can't say that, we've had sick kids and sick adults. Scratch that, let's go with that!

In the first Corner is Vinegar! She's one mean lady and she means business. She's gonna start this whole game off by picking off the little ones. She's there for 30 minutes just beating up those nasty looking things. She left the field looking like this...

Oh look, now comes the hard ball players here to help out our starter, Let's give a big warm welcome for Baking Soda and Borax. These two pull a BB combination trick on the burnt on mess. Here comes Vinegar, she's rolling through to give the BB combination a real kick! Don't worry folks the extra fizzing is just the energy that comes with this. It'll power through that stuff in no time! Enter in last minute stand in, SPONGE! Sponge helps the BB/Vinegar combo scrub down these areas.

With their power down and the mess gone... we bring in our last proponent, the Polish! This will help seal anything and give it that nice smooth finished look. Like this -

My Acceptance Speech for the Best Loss of Sanity...

*waves and walks to the podium, gracefully tripping on the non-existent carpet - please ignore my facial twitch, it's rude to stare*

Thank you, Thank you dear ones. Oh it is so wonderful to be here amongst you all. It's always nice to be recognized by my colleagues with the same lack of sanity that I have.

I would first like to thank Adulthood for bringing me to this moment. Without your constant worries about bills, groceries, and my weight, I would be a sane normal person who would have no concept of the difference between living on a dime and living on the dollar. Nor would I understand what it means to have Thunder Thighs, or stretch marks the size of the grand canyon running across my rump.

I'd also like to thank my hormones, because without you, I wouldn't have the constant flux of emotions that keep my whole family on their toes! My children and husband will be well equipped for WWIII, because during certain parts of the month, their worlds are full of a constant eruption of splutters. They know how to use a fox hole now, They also know how to keep their mouths shut. My son will be well prepared for a relationship with a female, and my daughter will recognize most of the signs. I myself have learned how to avoid committing homicide. Also during these times, I have become acutely aware of the stupidity of the human race.

Though, We all know that without Motherhood - I would be just as able to adjust my responses to within normal limits. The constant lack of sleep, with the consistent work load increases, along with all the wonderful evenings spent being the depository for puke, piss, and crap ... along with a few bodily fluids I'm not really sure of. All these things left me with a wonderful way of looking at the world. I've learned that sanity is over rated, and some confusing imagination and creativity with a complete lack of true reality.

Thank you again dear ones... I'll make sure to save you a seat next to me at lunch in the Sanitarium. Kiss Kiss!

*waves and leaves with mic, muttering about how stupidly insane all of those people were*

The Death of my Diet...

OH CURSE YOU SWEET ADORABLE GIRL SCOUTS AND YOUR DELECTABLE COOKIES!

*nom nom nom*

It is sooooo good... I mean BAD! Yes yes... Bad is what I'm searching for.

Horrible Carmel deLite cookie! I must punish you for your diabolical assault on my diet and weight loss! Your punishment shall be your destruction!

*nom nom nom*

Ugh... I need to find a more... diet friendly punishment for these cookies. I'll perform CPR tomorrow.

It Canna take No Mor' Cap'n!

I love making Scones. Seriously! The obsession starts back when I was 9 or 10.

* Initiate Time Travel Tunes* .. seriously I think it was Pam Tillis and Rhett Akins at this time.

My Dad, who traveled while I grew up, told me that he absolutely loved Shortbread. His Grandma used to make Shortbread. (Stepping back to the present, the shortbread that my dad is referring to, is now discovered to truly be a type of sourdough biscuit, back to the story) so started my love of baking.

Dad was getting ready to go back to Wichita at this point, and I decided I was going to make him shortbread. Not only did my first shortbread cookies like... they were horrible. I also burnt them. But my Dad, like every father should, didn't just take a bite and tell me how good they were... he ate the whole cookie and took the rest with him. I suspect to save the rest of the household from having to eat them.

I wasn't an idiot, I knew they were kinda cruddy for a cookie. I would try and try again and again to make these cookies. EVERY TIME ... I sucked at it. I could bake cakes, muffins, and the like. I'd even master Rouxs. But it was like I was making these things with my feet when I made them.

Now, I was 23 when I made my first GOOD batch of Shortbread. I followed a Scottish Recipe that I found on a Livejournal group, Food Porn. The secret, 10 strokes and you're done.

I like to think that I'm Captain Kirk on Star Trek on these cooking excursions. And my dough/ingredients are Scotty. If I try to push the dough too much I can just hear Scotty telling me 'The Gluten Canna Take It No More, Cap'n!'. Which... honestly is appropriate since I do love the Scottish Baking Recipes.

So while I'm trying to get meself a Shortbread Pan... I master Scones in the same step. If you want the tenderest, melt in your mouth scones that beat any real store bought ones... Try a Scottish Scone Recipe. It's not as hard as you think! My absolute favorite recipe I got from AllRecipes.com: World's Best Scones. When you master making these, You can adjust it however you want.

I have fresh blueberries, I think I'm going to add some Scones to my Chocolate Chip Cookie Muffies.

It's a Circus! At least my Mental Images are!

So, the other morning, I'm waking up, and Tor comes in. The dogs came in begging to be let out to relieve their poor little bladders. I asked Tori to open the door and let the dogs out. She was grumpy and decided she didn't want to. So she knitted her fingers together, and essentially polished the door knob with them.

Being half awake, I trudge into the living room. I take one look at how she's trying to open the door, and realize what's happening. I hear her saying the door is stuck, no more 'I Can't's because well, Mommy doesn't allow those words in my house. After watching this performance for five minutes, I realize one thing. She's just going to keep doing this balderdash until I do it myself.

So when I get them out, I look at Tori and I tell her that I'm disappointed that you did that. She looks at me with her eyes welling with tears at these words. I was worried. I spent all morning pondering what this might mean for her future.

So I immediately imagine myself, standing on plank, which is balancing on a ball. And in my arms, the squirming ever changing child constantly throwing me off balance as I try to straighten her up to what she should be.

When I look at this image, It really hits home. Is my daughter going to be one of those people who will constantly seek everyone's approval. Will she take it hard when the bully says she doesn't like her? Have I created a horrible person?

I roll this around and around in my head... until finally my mental image of me crashes to the ground, cradling the mental Tori as I hit the ground with a swift painful woosh of air escaping. My daughter sits up on my chest and looks down at me smiling... 'You're Silly Mommy'.

And it's true. My daughter does stand up for herself. She enjoys her own thing, and doesn't let anyone stop her... unless it's her elders pointing out that it's kinda dangerous. She even argues with her family members to make her point clear. She stands up to bullies. She's even told one that if they keep being mean, they'll never get married.

Which makes me think, my Hubby and I have done something right if she thinks that getting married is such a great thing to achieve. .... As long as she graduates college first.

I'm sorry.... It's a hard thing to say.

The other night, my son was playing rough with my Mom. For those of you who aren't familiar with the typical Child playing Formula, here you go:

Happy Child x Excitement x Sparring Partner x Tickles = Injuries!!

Suffice it to say, Mom got a good Nose bump (no blood, thankfully), and Ian got a knotty noggin. So, like all good Moms, I tell Ian and Mom to apologize to each other... Now let me clarify.

I am not an 'I'm sorry' will cut it kind of Mom. I believe a child's first real lesson in responsibility occurs in these moments when a child has injured another. Teaching them to make a proper apology, not just saying "I'm sorry", but clarifying why they are sorry. As in... "I'm sorry Mom that I broke your $60 China Plate that is REALLY hard to find"... Ok maybe not that specific, but at least 'I'm sorry I broke the plate'. Even for accidents.

I don't want my kids to go through life like some I know, people who look at you and say It was an accident. ... Yes bub, I know it was an accident you rear-ended me, but you still have to pay the piper... or my repairman in this case.

My daughter took awhile to really slam this lesson home for her. My son... I swear he's part Mule. ... No comments from my friend's pointing how stubborn I am, my blog, shh.

Going back to why we are writing this in the first place - Ian wasn't going to apologize. Instead, He took off running when we pointed out that giggling when Memaw's eyes were welling wasn't funny. After we retrieved him from his room - he was completely focused on his knotted noggin, that it must be all her fault. So Mom tries talking to him. He starts to cry, bawl, basically 'Memaw Lecture Neutralizer v3'. I had to intervene. So we try just calmly explaining that he needs to apologize too because he hit Memaw as well. That doesn't work.

Said son turns from Mule, to Stonewall Jackson. That's ok... I'm John Pope... or.. Jonita? So, while I put Ian in sit down time, I endure glares from my Mom, who might I add is still working on her Immunity from MLNv3. I explained to her several times, you did this to me HOW MANY TIMES?

Finally Mom leaves because Ian is still Stonewalling me. Finally he breaks down in sobs after realizing that Memaw is gone. So we sit down and talk. I asked him why he was in trouble.'I hit Memaw'. Well Ian, that wasn't nice, but that's not why you are in trouble. You wouldn't apologize. So we talked about it, in four-year old language by the way. We even brushed over responsibility for your actions.

In the end, he said he wanted to apologize to Memaw. So I call Memaw on the phone... He was silent the whole time. Just teared and sniffled. Also it was really late so I said he needed to go to bed and I loved him.

By the way - before you start. Even Pope lost troops, and I won this battle by at least getting the message of responsibility across. Be sure that Stonewall and Pope shall meet again!