Another year in the books...

So today is my 33rd Birthday!

.... Don't everyone jump at once now. It's cool... No big.

I guess, I'm going to use this post to break my life down as it were. Enjoy, or don't. This blog, I write to track for me.

Things I have learned about myself this year:

• I am much stronger than I thought
• That asking for help and accepting is not weakness
• That finding every moment I can to find happiness alone is time well spent
• I can fix things that I found daunting (Frozen Water Tank and Pipes)
• I truly enjoy woodworking
• Car seat Dancing while everyone is watching, is not wrong
• My individuality is wonderful and something to celebrate
• Make up is my obsession, yet I am comfortable being without
• Still not sure I can do Bleach blonde hair. 
• Music... speaks to my soul

Things I have learned about love:

• Any potential lover can look at me and tell me sweet things, but not many will take the time to show me sweet things
• My size, while it may an attract to a man - does not dictate who I am. 
• That most men that come at you 'Damn I love me a BBW' ... 90% of the time, they aren't seeking a serious relationship - mostly a fulfillment of some fantasy
• The best gifts - are homemade
• That it is Ok to go with how you feel in the moment without a future plan
• That it is more than ok to say 'No.' 
• That I can take care of me and trust that they are a grown adult who can handle themselves
• That the best experiences and connections START with the mental connection, and blossom in a Physical Connection
• That it is ok to be different and like different things, You never know WHAT you will discover with them

Things I have learned in Parenting:

• They are individuals
• They are wonderful, frustrating, Passionate, and curious
• It is my job to guide them while I have them
• They can cause more tears and fears and self doubt than a lover can
• They can also make you so proud and want to scream how AWESOME my children are
• That I have two compassionate children
• That it's also ok to seek help and try a different way to get your point across
• That they are just as fragile as I am in this whole situation, yet resilient. 
• Children are like the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Yes, they are going to break at some point, OUR jobs as parents, is to fill in the cracks and help put them together in the right way. If we use wonderful a powerful fillings of Gold (parables, lessons, compassion, love) these children will rise above the pain and brokenness, and become and inspiring work of art.

Things I have learned as a Friend:

• God found a way to give me the sisters I wasn't born with. 
• Fighting with them and coming back together means that ... Well no one else would take us! Not... means that no matter how much I feel hurt, I miss them more than my pride. 
• Best Friends mean you can be brutally honest about your feelings that you just can't with others
• Also - brutally honest about how your body is betraying you!
• While every friend has certain aspects that you are drawn too, there is no reason to look at my two besties and pick the one I love the most. Because they are the most unique and loving ladies I have ever known... and I couldn't see myself without them. 
• That you will not always agree with the decisions they make, but you can prepare if things go wrong. ... Never leave your Vodka at your friends house unmanned though!
• That new friends are awesome, and only add to your life
• That there is nothing better than a girl's night ... that doesn't have to leave the house but enjoy complete goofing off.
• That my life would be so incomplete with out them... I can do without lovers. My children will eventually leave my side to go make the world a better place... But I could never be without the support my friends, Best friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and casual ones provide. 

Living Passionately is hard...

Strange part of living passionately, is sometimes the engine runs out of steam. I've been divorced a year and a half now, and my ex is engaged and already a father to another child. I am still struggling with my children. But I love them and could not do without them.

But I lost my steam, I lost my passionate reasoning. And it's hard. Passion is something I want to be at the core, passion for my friends and family. Passion in caring for my community. But my passion, over the last year and a half, fizzled.

You look on blogs all the time, or simply on your Facebook, and it reminds every mother out there to take care of herself so she has something to give. For awhile I thought that was something only those who had another half could do.

...Then I had an epiphany.... 

Passion, is much like an Amish Friendship Loaf starter. You start it, you feed it, and then, you have to bake with it. It feeds your soul, in yummy carbohydrate heaven. But there is a small problem with it, after you have satisfied your soul, it's still growing. So now, you have all these soul carb loaves, and no chink to stuff them in with your own soul. So what do you do? .... You spread your soul food to others and help inspire them to begin. Once they taste it for awhile, they may ask you how you make it. .... You'd give them a starter and the process begins all over again.

My starter had died. Slowly though, my best friend came along and kept sharing her soul food with me. Now, I've started producing my own soul food again. Only Jamie did not share the very butt widening experience of Amish Friendship Loaf - She shared BeachBody. PiYo, to be specific.

It has been a great experience. I feel motivated for the first time in a long time to do more with my life than just struggle to raise the two kidlets that I was blessed with. I'm even writing again folks, and trust me when I say this is a wonderful thing I never thought I'd be doing.

Long Time, No Blog

Well, it has been quite a while since I've updated this hootus. Recently, we had a friend come down to visit with us. He's been out of the country for awhile, and honestly, we missed him.

I dug out my southern roots, and honeys - He left weighing probably 5 pounds more. He arrived Friday evening to a Chicken and Dumplings. I only make Drop dumplings. I love the texture that comes from eating a good, thick, dumpling. Whenever I eat a rolled out Dumpling, while good, it often reminds me of eating a pasta, rather than dumpling. Our dumpling recipe is high on Egg content, which allows for enough protein to make a meaty dumpling that is filling.

For dessert - Chocolate Brownie ice cream with this decadent Brownie Pudding. It's a simple recipe that offers big impact considering what you use. The best part about this recipe is the fact of how it's made. You basically apply a paste to a greased pan. The trick however - is getting the watery topping on. I suggest using a large spoon and pouring into that spoon slowly and letting it hit the sides of your pan. What happens is, the liquid will sink to the bottom creating essentially a rich fudge sauce, and the brownie will cook and float on the top.

In the morning, I made overnight waffles. Unfortunately, the yeast didn't proof so they were heavy, but still yummy. Served with maple syrup and or Nutella.

Our final meal was a homemade Pizza, Pepperoni with Mozzerella and a three cheese blend. The sauce was made from scratch, and the crust was brushed in butter and topped with a garlic herb blend and a splattering of Kosher salt.

Well satisfied ladies and gents... very well satisfied!