Another year in the books...

So today is my 33rd Birthday!

.... Don't everyone jump at once now. It's cool... No big.

I guess, I'm going to use this post to break my life down as it were. Enjoy, or don't. This blog, I write to track for me.

Things I have learned about myself this year:

• I am much stronger than I thought
• That asking for help and accepting is not weakness
• That finding every moment I can to find happiness alone is time well spent
• I can fix things that I found daunting (Frozen Water Tank and Pipes)
• I truly enjoy woodworking
• Car seat Dancing while everyone is watching, is not wrong
• My individuality is wonderful and something to celebrate
• Make up is my obsession, yet I am comfortable being without
• Still not sure I can do Bleach blonde hair. 
• Music... speaks to my soul

Things I have learned about love:

• Any potential lover can look at me and tell me sweet things, but not many will take the time to show me sweet things
• My size, while it may an attract to a man - does not dictate who I am. 
• That most men that come at you 'Damn I love me a BBW' ... 90% of the time, they aren't seeking a serious relationship - mostly a fulfillment of some fantasy
• The best gifts - are homemade
• That it is Ok to go with how you feel in the moment without a future plan
• That it is more than ok to say 'No.' 
• That I can take care of me and trust that they are a grown adult who can handle themselves
• That the best experiences and connections START with the mental connection, and blossom in a Physical Connection
• That it is ok to be different and like different things, You never know WHAT you will discover with them

Things I have learned in Parenting:

• They are individuals
• They are wonderful, frustrating, Passionate, and curious
• It is my job to guide them while I have them
• They can cause more tears and fears and self doubt than a lover can
• They can also make you so proud and want to scream how AWESOME my children are
• That I have two compassionate children
• That it's also ok to seek help and try a different way to get your point across
• That they are just as fragile as I am in this whole situation, yet resilient. 
• Children are like the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Yes, they are going to break at some point, OUR jobs as parents, is to fill in the cracks and help put them together in the right way. If we use wonderful a powerful fillings of Gold (parables, lessons, compassion, love) these children will rise above the pain and brokenness, and become and inspiring work of art.

Things I have learned as a Friend:

• God found a way to give me the sisters I wasn't born with. 
• Fighting with them and coming back together means that ... Well no one else would take us! Not... means that no matter how much I feel hurt, I miss them more than my pride. 
• Best Friends mean you can be brutally honest about your feelings that you just can't with others
• Also - brutally honest about how your body is betraying you!
• While every friend has certain aspects that you are drawn too, there is no reason to look at my two besties and pick the one I love the most. Because they are the most unique and loving ladies I have ever known... and I couldn't see myself without them. 
• That you will not always agree with the decisions they make, but you can prepare if things go wrong. ... Never leave your Vodka at your friends house unmanned though!
• That new friends are awesome, and only add to your life
• That there is nothing better than a girl's night ... that doesn't have to leave the house but enjoy complete goofing off.
• That my life would be so incomplete with out them... I can do without lovers. My children will eventually leave my side to go make the world a better place... But I could never be without the support my friends, Best friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and casual ones provide. 

Exercise!... Good for the soul... Bad for my thighs...

Laws... So this evening, after emptying out the Freezer-that-was, as well as chasing coos, (cows) from the gate as we eviscerated the... freezers guts. I got very good at closing my own nose off and mouth breathing. I decided today is just the day I needed to start my own shenanigans...

This means, I did Giddy Up from Country Heat. It's not the newest, but a newer program from BeachBody. Country Line Dancing... Though I am sure if you looked at my window as you drove by, I probably resembled a drunken squirrel trying to climb a tree.

But I digress, I enjoy it, and feel the burn. My thighs are quivering, even from the dance Modifications (You know, the different way of doing things for people who are like me and I don't move like a rubber band... more like... a rusty tin man).

It's not that it's hard, it isn't. It's not that it isn't fun, otherwise I would NOT have owned the Drunken Squirrel resemblance. It's that it makes you move, simply, but steadily. The Steady pace is key - It doesn't wind you as bad, and it makes it easier to adapt to what you need to do.

Fun part? I shook my booty, a lot... more than I should have probably. My child walked in my room, watched and then shrunk off in shame at her Momma shaking her booty.

So not only did I win by Exercising... I won by embarrassing my daughter. Ha!

Goal Power!

I have set a goal.

That being said.... It is amazing the mindset you develop when you have settled yourself to a goal and embraced it.

... I will fully admit to being a crabby, zombie like mom. You make the supper, you get them cleaned up, you do the homework. Cycle after bloody cycle.

With the goal in mind and seeing the possibilities - I feel more alert and awake. I have everything I measure against meeting this goal. You wouldn't think that setting a goal and working to achieve it would make such a difference... But then why wouldn't it?

Setting Goals gives you focus and helps you set a standard for what you want to achieve.

Example -- Cleaning house? The FlyLady System is such a popular and working cleaning system for people who just... We don't clean. Have no idea what the 'f' that porous square is, shouldn't it be on TV making some annoying Giggle?

But the reason it works so well? Every step is a little goal. You achieve something and feel so much better because your small goals, small ladder steps if you would are getting you to the top so you can see so much better.

Exercise is the same thing, dieting is the same thing. the 21 Day Fix - it's through Beachbody, and right now they are having a sale on the whole system for $140.00, does the same thing. You set goals on the canisters of food, and it is so often more than you really can eat. I feel so much better when I follow this, and that is my goal now. Getting of this large tukus of mine and making this happen.

Small steps baby.... Small goals that stack up to make an awesome goal met. I think the top of this mountain is gonna look great when I get there.

For further information on goal setting and how to make it successful: http://thesuccessninja.com/setting-goals/ 

Super Moon = a realization for Mommy Time...

So this was a Super Moon kind of day. I have been tired and cranky, and just working through trying to get the day done. I posted on my personal Facebook about how I just broke down and yelled at my kids "Please pick your crap up and quit playing 'Squirrel!'".

Here's my frustration. I love my children. I would so be super mom, or a female Al Capone if you mes with my kids. I am a momma bear. my son is the love of my life. But at the same time, I have spent all day focusing on an Excel spreadsheet hurrying to complete it accurately but speedily. I came home, and found out that I ruined the pork chops in the crock pot, and they just weren't right and he was not eating them. ... crying was gonna happen soon.

Then I go out to see the Super Moon, and it was clouding and beginning to rain.

Now then, Boy-o talks. He talks all the time. He narrates everything he does, what he is thinking about doing, and wants constant affirmations that I like what he is doing. Which I give him whole-heartedly. I answer all the random questions "How long to flies live? What's it like underwater? What would happen if I mixed soap and the scrubby stuff?" I answer things about his Dad and I. I answer things positively about his father, so that it's a good bond that I have not singed.

But, after working all that time, I would love to be able to come home after a hard day, sit on the couch, and zone out. But that is not the life of a single mom. It's me and these two 24/7. All the homework, the scrapes, the 'do the chores', the hugs, the kisses, the goofiness, the tears, the fears.

But I love them, and I realize that someday I will miss all of this. It isn't easy, I knew it wasn't gonna be easy. But it's worth every moment.

... Because between verbally asking him multiplication tables and even some quiz facts for sis that she shares on our drive in the morning when we start out together.... I get this wonderful contest where the kids try to up me on who loves who more. Often - I drag out a 90's saying of 'All that and a bag of chips' which produces giggles. We sing and for 5 minutes, we try to start our days out the best we can. As a loving family, who while odd... is working our best to be the best we can be.

Never said we were perfect - Never said that was a goal. But happy and productive.... those are goals I shoot for with my kiddos.

A cloudy Super Moon taken this evening.